The summer of 76 was and still is the hottest on record, downtown L.A peaked at 125 Degrees Fahrenheit, water hydrants gushed all over the city, Dogs ate ice lollies, Men gladly hosed down each others balls, School was cancelled as kids and teachers alike passed out in the intolerable heat, housewives used dead squirrels as sun visors, Old folks were having dying competitions….
It was Hell on Earth……..
In amongst all this heat, this panic, this longing for chill, this clamber for cold, there was one man who had to be cool, one man who was used to operating a forklift when some jars of tomato puree had fell off the pallet, one hero amongst all the peasants and poppers, one man to save the world…..
This man was Chumf Taylor…… “The Hero’s Hero”!!!!!!
Police Chief Dug Duff was a man to fear and on this particular morning he was worse than usual, Chief Commissioner Lovecarpet had just been on the phone roasting Duff’s ass about the horrific rise in recent crime figures, Duff had tried to justify this by blaming this on the Sweltering weather, but Lovecarpet was having none of it…..
“I don’t give two shiny shits about the weather, your officers are trained to operate whether they are sweating enough to burst a dam or whether its so cold their nuts could be mistaken for raisins, I want these figures sorted…. I aint taking no more shit from City hall… Got it?....”
“I got it..” it mattered not the retort of Duff, Lovecarpet had hung up the line….
Chumf sat outside the office of Duff, he had already told the secretary to the Police Chief of his appointment.
“he’ll be right with you Detective Taylor”
Chumf thought she was a pretty girl, and did not consider it an impairment to her beauty that she had no left ear.
The secretary’s phone buzzed… she held it up to the ear she had.
“Chief Duff will see you now…”
Chumf entered the office, Chief Duff rose to shake his hand, Duff was a stocky built black man, with a Black handle bar moustache straight out of the top drawer, he wore a dark tweed suit, white shirt, Brown tie, probably mid 40s by Chumf’s reckoning.
“I haven’t seen a tie like that since the mid 40s Chief….” Silence fell on the room, not a great start By Chumf
“you know why you are here Chumf, we got a crime wave escalating quicker than a jet propelled Penguinhippo”
Duff shuffled uneasy in his seat, pushed out a squeaker then carried on.
“Sorry Chumf, I had dug butter sandwiches this morning, playing havoc with my guts…”
“they’ll do that….” replied Chumf , he knew better than most about Dug Butter.
“I know your history Chumf, you’re a wild card, a maverick, a sausage tamer, you get results sure, but from what I’m lead to believe, those results come at the cost and embarrassment of the city”
Chumf tried to explain…..
“save it Chumf, I got no choice but to take a chance with you, we got something spiraling out of control here in the City Of Angels, or I sometimes call it…The Shitty Of Angels..” Chumf didn’t laugh, because it wasn’t funny.
“you heard of The Brown Koalas Chumf?”
“who hasn’t Chief ?, I don’t know much about them tho”
Chief Duff went onto explain that The Koalas were a black militant group formed in the early 70s, their mission statement was simple but terrifying “Black Rule, Revenge for our brothers and sisters and Pure Eucalyptus”
The Brown Koala’s leader was “Zoltan”, a black African man who came to America in the early 60s, Zoltan real name “Terry Smith” was according to Chief Duff, responsible for the murders of 25 white congress men, in the Chief’s opinion Zoltan would never have been directly involved but more than likely organized the murders from afar and gave the order.
“whatever Koala carried this out has left these Mofos in one helluva state every time, each with their left shoe stuffed into their mouth, the Word “Grapefruit” written in black marker on their backs and last but not least … and I hope you are ready for this Chumf…”
“Go for it Chief, I can handle it”
“The Murderer fills their belly buttons with Marmalade…..”
Chumf covered his mouth with his hand to stop being sick…….
“it gets worse, the marmalade is out of date”
“sick bastard”
“the problem is Chumf , this guy is only following orders, The Brown Koalas are obviously all sickos and that’s why we need you….”
Chumf looked beyond Chief Duff out of his window looking down on the mean streets of LA, he thought to himself, how did I end up here?, what was wrong with a simple life bringing up a family?, What was the significance of the marmalade? ..
Chief Duff told Chumf to take the rest of the day to find out what he can about Zoltan and The Brown Koalas, tomorrow he would meet his new partner
“ a partner ??” asked an astonished Chumf
“ yes a partner Chumf, we think that the added responsibility of having someone beside you on the street may stop you bringing this department to its knees like you did In New York…ya crazy bastard!”
Chumf forced a smile…..
“now get the hell outta here” Barked the Chief as he put his moustache back into the top drawer.
Can Chumf stop the Brown Koala’s Reign of terror?
Will his new partner cut the mustard? Or Marmalade in fact?
All will be revealed in the part of Chumf - The Frontier of Mofo
1 comment:
thanks for visiting-keep up the good work
Post a Comment